Teaching Consequences

Teaching Consequences

Children with emotional delays or disabilities often become self-defeated from experiencing so much negative without enough positive. They develop poor self-esteems and may begin to lack self-confidence, especially, when everyone around them seems to be yelling at them for constantly doing something wrong.
Other children become dependent upon adults to regulate their behavior for them. Rather than taking responsibility for their actions, they look to the adult to decide what, if anything should be done. The ironic thing about that is the child will most likely balk at the consequence the adult decides upon.

For example, an adult may decide that a child deserves time-out or no recess for his/her misbehavior. The child then gets angry, throws a tantrum, or becomes oppositional at the adult's consequential decision. I find that when I give a child the option of deciding his/her own consequence, not only does the child become more responsible (i.e., showing the misbehavior less oftten), but the child often imposes self-regulations that are more instringent than I would have used!

For example, I might take a child aside BEFORE an actual problem arises and say something like, "You know, Timmy, you are having a hard time using your words instead of hitting when you are upset. What do you think you can do about it?"

After discussing the misbehavior and options for Timmy to control that behavior, discuss consequences for exhibiting both the correct and incorrect behavior. For example, you might say, "Timmy, if you can go through the entire recess period without hitting another child, what do you think you should get?" (Help the child be realistic!). Then, "Timmy, if you hit someone during recess, what should happen?" (Again, help the child be realistic -- I find children are much harder on themselves than I would have been).

Next, go over the plan again. "Ok, so Timmy, if you hit, ________ will happen. If you do not hit, ________ will happen, right?"

Then, focus on the positive. Keep reminding Timmy what he will get if he does not hit instead of what he will get if he hits!

By helping the child self-reinforce their own behavior, you are helping him/her develop self-confidence, learn responsibility, and foster self-esteem.